


Angels on the Moon

by LittleMissSuperWhoLock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Bipolar Disorder, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Hallucinations, M/M, Mostly Fluff, PTSD, Psych Ward, Psychosis, Sabriel - Freeform, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, tons of awkwardness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-02-08 08:39:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1934220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissSuperWhoLock/pseuds/LittleMissSuperWhoLock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Sam Winchester is a normal 20-something. Or at least he wishes he was. Though he's not a demon hunter put on earth to save it over and over again his mind tells him otherwise. In a desperate attempt to get him the help he needs Dean takes him to a psychological hospital to, hopefully, get the treatment he needs. </p><p>This is what happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Initial Admittance

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this AU randomly found its way into my head. I have no idea where this is going.  
> Rating and tags will change as the story develops.
> 
> The title is the inspiration song Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory
> 
> You can find me at www.flawedbydesign-andproud.tumblr.com
> 
> All comments and feedback would be immensely appreciated.
> 
> I would love to hear what you think of it.

_Don't tell me if I'm dying_   
_'Cause I don't wanna know_   
_If I can't see the sun_   
_Maybe I should go_   
_Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming_   
_Of angels on the moon_   
_Where everyone you know_   
_Never leaves too soon._

* * *

 

Sam lay in the hospital bed. He was unconscious. Dean had brought him in after one too many psychotic breaks that he couldn't deal with himself. He felt bad leaving Sam here but the kid needed help. He was sitting in a chair beside the hospital bed flipping through an old magazine. Dean had taken him to a hospital and they had admitted Sam into the psychiatric ward, after having to sedate him for being so damn aggressive and refusing the help he desperately needed. It was the first time in weeks that the tall brunette had got any shut eye. Dean almost jumped when the door to the room was opened.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know anyone else was in here.” He said as he walked in and picked up Sam’s charts.

“It’s fine. They said I could stay for awhile. I don’t want to leave him.” Dean answered. He didn't know why he was telling this guy anything but he couldn't stop himself. He looked up at the guy. “You’re going to have to leave him at some point. Thats the point of this place.” The nurse answered. Dean nodded.

“It was just getting too hard. He was fine for so long, you know? I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten before it was too late.” Dean answered quietly.

“He’ll be in good hands here. They all are. It’s good you’ve stuck with him so long. Having people that care is one thing that really helps them work to get better.” The man said. Dean looked up confused. “You must really love him.” The nurse added.

“I… No!... I mean yes… I do.. But not like that. He’s my brother.” Dean stuttered. The man looked up surprised.

“Oh! I’m sorry… I thought…” He shook his head.

“It’s okay…” Dean said. “I’m Dean.”

“Castiel.” The man answered.

“Unngg...Dean…. Wha- Where am I?” Sam murmured. Dean raced to his side.

“I’ll give you a minute. The doctor will be in soon.”

“Sammy, you’re in the hospital.” Dean said.

“What?! What happened?!? Was it a demon? What did they do?” Sam asked frantically. Dean sighed.

“No Sam…. None of that is real. You’re in a hospital for people like you. Who need help. Your body is fine.” Dean said quietly.

_Looks like your brother doesn't want you no more Sammy-boy._

Sam became incredibly agitated. He sat up and began looking around. He was screaming and yelling bloody murder. He started pulling the monitors off his body and was about to rip out his IV when Dean hit the emergency call button on the wall. Three nurses ran into the room and saw what was happening. A large black man held Sam down as Castel began putting restraints on him. A small woman put a new IV in his arm and then gave him a shot of something. Once he was restrained the nurses stepped back.

A minute later a doctor walked into the room and picked up Sam's charts.

"I'm Dr. Mills. I think it would be best for your brother if you left. He is obviously very agitated about being here and it would benefit him best if he could have a fresh start without the connections to his delusion." She said looking at Dean. Dean stood and nodded sadly. "We will call you when he is healthy enough for visitors." She said before smiling softly and walking out of the room.

Sam woke up to the beeping of a heart monitor. He groaned, his head was groggy and he wasn't sure where he was. He looked around and found himself in a white hospital room. He groaned and looked around. There was a small vase of flowers on the night table beside him. He tried to lift his arms but couldn't. He looked down and found them strapped to the bed as well as his legs. He struggled for a few minutes and gave up just as a average height, brunette with striking blue eyes walked into the room. He was wearing scrubs. Sam stared at him. There was nothing else he could do.

_Look at that. Sammy-boy’s all tied up and defenseless. What if this one’s a demon you’re so desperate to kill?_

Sam looked to the corner of the room and glared at the man he saw there. He hated him and everything he said and made Sam do. The nurse walked closer to Sam and looked at him cautiously.

“Are you going to struggle and fight me?” He asked sincerely. Sam just shook his head. The nurse nodded and began undoing the restraints on Sam. “I’m Castiel.” He said as he finished undoing the restraints. Sam rubbed his wrists and sat up slowly.

“Why am I here? What happened to my brother?” He asked almost frantically.

“Don’t worry Sam. Your brother is fine. The doctor will see you once you’ve had breakfast. I will show you.” Castiel said and stepped towards the door. Sam stood up slowly. He followed the nurse into the hall and slowly shuffled down the hallway, as he was still groggy from the drugs they had put in him.

Sam followed the nurse down a hallway. There were other people walking and standing in the hallway. Some were talking to themselves and others were just walking around like they could be the most normal person on the planet. Sam didn’t know where to look or what to do with himself so he looked down at his shoes and followed Castiel, until they made their way to a room where people were sitting and eating food. Sam looked around and saw that they were in a cafeteria.

‘You may line up and get something for breakfast.” Castiel said before turning and walking away. Sam looked around and hesitantly entered the line.  He was given some food and sat down at an empty table. He looked down at the table and tried to avoid everyone around him. As he sat there he looked up suddenly.

 _Hey there Sammy boy. How’s that hospital food_?

Sam sighed and looked away from  him. He groaned to himself. ‘Why did this have to happen to me? Why does he NEED me to do this? I’m nobody.’ Sam thought to himself. He looked up again to the sound of a lollipop being sucked on. He rolled his eyes and continued eating his breakfast.  Once he had finished his breakfast Castiel walked over to him again.

“The doctor would like to see you now. Follow me.” He said. Sam stood and followed him down a hallway. As he walked he looked down at he floor. Suddenly he crashed into someone. He looked at the girl who was crouched on the floor. She had red hair and was cringing. Sam knelt down and looked at the girl.

“Anna?” He asked quietly. The girl looked up teary eyed.

“S- Sam?...” She hesitated.

Sam took her arms gently and helped stand her up. She looked shaken and tired. Sam looked at her. They had been friends in high school, but she always had issues. By the end of highschool she had gone really far down hill and then pretty much fell off the face of the earth after they graduated. Sam had no idea she had ended up here. He didn’t know she had issues like this. Sam looked at her and smiled shyly.

“Wh- What are you doing here?” She asked him. He looked down at his shoes for a minute.

“My- My brother brought me in…” He said. Castiel cleared his throat.

“Sam the doctor is waiting.” He said. Anna looked at him and then stepped back.

“You have to go. I’ll- I’ll see you later.” She said. He nodded and followed Castiel further down the hallway. The arrived at a door that had a plaque on it. It read ‘Dr. Jody Mills’.

“She’s waiting for you.” Castiel said.

Oooh, time to see the doc Sammy.

Sam opened the door and walked in to find an average looking woman with short hair. She was wearing a button up shirt and a pair of jeans.  She smiled at Sam as he walked in the door.

“You must be Sam. I’m Dr. Mills, I will be your doctor for your stay here.” She said. Sam sat down and tried not to look behind her in the corner of the room.

“How has your day been so far Sam?” She asked.

_Yeah Sammy-boy, how has your day been? You been having a good time in the looney bin?_

“Uh… fine…” He said trying to ignore the voice.

“Good. So, your brother brought you in, is that correct?” She asked.

_Of course big bro Deano would want the best for baby bro._

“Yes, that’s right.” Sam said.

“How is your relationship with your brother?” The doctor asked.

_Ooh, this is a good one. Tell her about all the fights. Or all your breaks that your brother keeps guilting you with._

“Well…” Sam cleared his throat. “I mean, we’re brothers, we have our differences but we take care of each other.” He said. The doctor nodded and wrote some things down. Sam shifted in his seat, feeling awkward. He looked behind the doctor and almost scoffed. The guy was sucking a fucking lollipop. Seriously.

“How about the rest of your family? Your parents?” She asked. Sam immediately stiffened.

_Yes! Hit the nerve! Go on! Tell her the sob story. Let’s have it!_

“They… Uhh… Neither of them are around.” He hesitated.

“So, you don’t see them often?” She pressed.

“They’re dead.” Sam said blatantly. The doctor looked up at him.

“I’m sorry. How did it happen?”

“My mom died in a house fire when I was six months old. My dad drank himself to death and decided to drive.” Sam said looking down at his hands. He looked up and saw the doctor writing things down.

“What do you do Sam? Do you work, go to school? What do you do with your life?” She asked him.

“Well, I was trying to get into Law School, but as I got closer and closer to making that decision I found I didn’t really want to go. So I started working at a small bookshop in town until I figured out what I wanted to do.” Sam said. The doctor nodded and wrote some more stuff down.

“What about relationships? Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?”

“I…” Sam looked up and almost choked.

_Come on Sammy, tell her. Tell her all about the girl that died. Tell her about Jess._

“I did.. have a girlfriend… I… I wanted to propose to her…” He stammered.

“And what happened?”

“She… She died… In a car accident.”  He said quietly.

“I’m sorry to hear that. How does that make you feel?” She asked.

“What? How does it make me feel that the love of my life is dead? Obviously pretty shitty.” He said angrily.

“How do you feel that you have lost so many people close to you?” She asked again.

_Tell her Sammy. Tell her how you feel. Go cry to her. Come on. Teeeellll her!!_

“It sucks okay!! It’s so shitty! I feel like I’m cursed and everyone I love just dies! I can’t do anything right. I just get everyone killed. I never knew my mother and dad was a drunk and basically killed himself ‘cause he couldn't deal with his kids and the one girl who I thought I could be with forever is gone. How do you think I would feel!” Sam screamed, standing up.

He wasn’t looking at the doctor anymore. He was looking behind her. He was looking at the corner.

“Who are you looking at Sam?” She asked. Sam suddenly realized what he had done.

“I…. No… I…. Uhh….” He stammered.

“It’s okay Sam. You can tell me.” She said soothingly.

“I…. It’s…”

_Don’t tell her Sam. She can’t know. She wont believe you. She will just think you’re crazy. Listen to me. You can’t tell anyone._

“L...Lucifer.” He said looking away from the doctor.

 

 


	2. First Impression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has an interesting first impression of an interesting man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't know where this is going but I hope you like it!

Sam was sitting in the lounge.  The lounge housed a TV at one end, a radio, piano, ping pong table, tables with chess and various games, and lounge chairs and couches. He was staring out the large window at the cars going by.  He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He had completely broken down and told the doctor more than he had meant to. Now Lucifer was going to kill him. Or worse… take him back to hell. Sam was pissed. He was pissed at his brother for bringing him here, pissed at the doctor for tricking him, pissed at himself for being so weak, and pissed at Lucifer for choosing him. He sat and glared at the outside world. There was no way he could get out there now. He would have to either go through whatever treatment they thought he needed, for whatever made up illness they were going to give him, or make them believe that he was fine. As he sat there he heard an older man mumble beside him.

“The tricksters at it again…” He said. Sam didn’t know what the guy was talking about but then pretty much everyone in here was crazy.

“Come on! Rufus! Play with me!” He heard a man call. Sam could hear the tck tck tck tck of a ping pong ball being bounced against the table.

“Fuck off.” An older man grumbled back.

“Anna my buddy ol’ pal?” The voice asked. There was no response.

“Come on! Someone play with me! I’m dyin’ over here! You’re all so booooring!” The voice whined dramatically.

“Hey you! In the corner!” The voice called. Sam didn’t know who he was talking to now.

“You! Looking out the window! Come play!” The voice called to him. Sam groaned then stood up.

“Shit, if I knew you were a freakin’ moose… Well it’s okay! Let’s go!” He called.

Sam turned and his eyes fell on a man with dirty blond hair and hazel eyes. He was fit, not muscular, but not super skinny. He had the biggest smile on his face and Sam was nearly mesmerized.

* * *

 

_“Did you have any other relationships Sam?” The doctor asked. “Other than Jess?”_

_“I… There was this guy… Brady. I met him when I first started. He was pre-med. We were friends but things got… heavy for a bit.” Sam said looking at his hands. The doctor wrote something down._

_“And what happened?”_

_“Well… I met Jess. And we decided to just stay friends.”_

_“Do you still keep in contact with him?”_

_“No… Once I dropped out… I kind of let that whole part of my life go…”_

* * *

 

He walked over to the table and picked up the paddle. The guy on the other side bounced the ball a few times then served it to him, and so it started.

“So, who are you? I haven’t seen you around before. When did you get here?”

“I’m Sam. Uh… Last night…” Sam answered, not really focusing on the game.

“I’m Gabriel. They all call me the trickster. So a newbie huh? How are you liking crazy town?” The guy, Gabriel, asked.

“Uh… The trickster?”

“Yep. So is your name Samuel or Sam? What’s on your birth certificate? Probably Samuel. Who would name their kid just Sam? Are you named after someone? Probably. It sounds like a family name.” Gabriel rambled on, as they passed the ball back and forth.

“Samuel, yeah.” Sam said. He was a little taken aback by the magnitude of Gabriel. He was quick talking and almost hyper. Sam wondered why he was there.

“So newbie, you figuring things out? I’ll let you in on a little secret. This isn’t my first trip to crazy town. I’ve got them all wrapped around my finger.” Gabriel grinned.

Sam nodded and just stared back as they were playing. Sam didn’t know what to think of this guy. He was weirdly attracted to him but for some reason felt he should keep his distance. But then, right before he had stood up to play this stupid game he hadn’t wanted to be near anyone. He didn’t even know why he had gotten up to play this game. He had just done it without even thinking. It was the strangest thing. He looked up form the table and saw Lucifer staring at him.

_Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, are we really going to do this? Do you want this one to die to?_

‘I don’t even know him.’ Sam thought to himself.

“Don’t know who? I can introduce you to everyone!” Gabriel beamed. Had he said that out loud?

“No… No it’s-“ Sam was cut off by a loud crash and everyone looked over.

Someone had apparently had a fit and knocked a table over. Sam looked back and found Gabriel crouching down, gripping the edges of the table, and panting hard. A female nurse with short brown hair walked over to them.

“Gabriel. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” She said crouching down to face him. He looked up at her and his eyes changed in a way Sam didn’t understand. He stood up slowly.

“Meg! What do I always say? This is why we shouldn’t have chess. The old folks can’t handle the competition and then this happens! You better listen to me. I know what I’m talking about.” Gabriel rambled.

“Alright, no chess for the old folks. Got it, Gabriel.” She said, shaking her head as she turned around and walked away. Gabriel turned back to the table.

“See got them wrapped around my finger.” He smiled and began playing again. Sam was trying to decipher what had happened in his head but was incredibly distracted by Gabriel’s constant chattering and Lucifer in the background.

After about 5 minutes of this someone called Gabriel’s name causing him to look away and let Sam get the winning shot.

“That doesn’t count! Interference on Castiel!” He said point at the nurse.

“Gabriel the doctor is ready to see you.” Castiel said in a stern steady voice.

“I want a rematch, moose!” Gabriel called as he followed behind Castiel.

Sam went and sat back down in his window seat and stared out into the darkening sky. He sat thinking about his brother and his life and himself. About all the things he had been through and all the things he wished he could have changed.  He wanted to get out of here. He wanted to be out in the streets, free. But instead his stupid brother had brought him here, now there was no way he was getting out. The only was he could get out was if he went through whatever treatment, for whatever made up illness, they wanted to give him, or made them believe he was fine. Sam had no idea what he was going to do from here.


	3. Fear of the Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a hard time dealing with what's happening to his baby brother.

Dean was leaning over the hood of an old beat up car. He as working on the engine. Dean had opened up his own mechanic shop. He had called it ‘Repairs by Winchester’. Dean was working on a car with Benny cleaning up in the background. Dean had met Benny when he had taken a year off to travel the country. He had stopped somewhere down south and had met Benny in a café. They had immediately hit it off. Dean had spent a long time there and when he was ready to leave he had given Benny his number and told him his plan to open a shop. After a couple months Benny had called him telling Dean that he had moved and was now looking for a job.

Dean was working on a car that had been brought in a few days ago. They had the radio playing loudly in the background. The song ended and _Carry on my Wayward Son_ came on. Dean began humming the song as he worked. Benny came up behind him and leaned against the side of the car.

“How’s little bro doin’?” Benny asked. Dean jolted at the mention of Sam and hit his head on the hood of the car.

“Shit…” He groaned, rubbing the sore spot on his head. He looked aT Benny for a second then sighed. “I took him in, last night.”

Dean had been thinking about what to do with his brother for a long time. It wasn’t that Dean thought his brother was insane or unmanageable. It was just that the episodes were getting more and more violent and Dean couldn’t handle it on his own. Sam would just come up with all these crazy ideas and would insist that they were true. He would go on about monsters and demons they had to fight. Sam had even tried to kill himself on more than one occasion, claiming it was the only way to stop Lucifer from causing an uprising of demons.

“Oh man, is he okay?” Benny asked.

“I have no idea. The doc told me it would be best if he had no contact with the outside world for a while. She said she would call with updates.” Dean said as he looked back down at the car, trying to distract himself.

They worked until around 5 when Dean decided to call it a night because he was too worried and distracted from his brother being admitted. He drove the 3 blocks home and climbed the stairs to his apartment. Somehow Bobby had known he would be home early because at about 5:15 the doorbell rang. Dean opened it to find Bobby standing there holding a six-pack. He walked past Dean and went straight into the kitchen sitting down at the table.

Dean was pacing the kitchen now. He had a beer in one hand and was rambling on to Bobby about all the things that had happened lately with Sam. He was worried, probably more worried than he’s ever been about his brother. As Dean was pacing the phone rang. He rushed over and picked it up.

“Hello?”

_“Hello, I’d like to speak with Dean Winchester please.”_

“Yeah, that’s me.” Dean answered awkwardly.

_“Hello Mr. Winchester. This is Doctor Mills from the psychiatric hospital.”_

“Oh! Hello.” Dean said in recognition.

_“I’m just calling to give you an update on your brother.”_

“How is he? Is everything going well?” Dean asked excitedly.

_“I talked with im today and we went through a lot of things. He is fine physically, but mentally there is a lot to work on. So far I have diagnosed him with schizophrenia, though this diagnosis may change as things progress.”_

“Oh… Ok. But… How is he? Is he doing alright?”

_“He is as fine as someone who doesn’t think they belong in a psychiatric hospital can be. He isolates himself. He believes everyone around him is crazy and he is the sane one. It’s too soon to tell how he will do. We will have to wait.”_

“Oh… Alright.”

_“I will have someone call you with his progress and when he is ready for visitors.”_

“Okay, thank you. Goodbye.” Dean said before hanging up the phone.

“Well?” Bobby asked.

“She said he has schizophrenia.” Dean said.

“Well I coulda told you that! What else did she say?”

“He doesn’t think he should be there. He’s isolating himself. And it’s too soon to know how things are going to progress.” Dean said sitting down at the table and taking a swig of his beer.

“So typical Sam, then?” Bobby said gruffly. Dean sighed.

“Where did I go wrong? I did everything for him and now this?” Dean groaned as he put his head in his hands.

“Don’t be an idjit. This ain’t your fault. You boys have been through hell and back, it’s a wonder both of you ain’t come out a nut case.” Bobby said in his typically forthcoming comforting tone.


	4. Reconnecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam begins to create relationships that may last for once.

Sam was sitting on his bed staring out the small window. It had gotten dark a while ago. He had had dinner and then had found himself wanting space. He walked back to his room and curled up on his bed. He wanted a book and some music, or TV. He felt alone and oddly scared. Everyone here was either totally cracked or way too friendly to be taken seriously. He was still mad at Dean for bringing him here. It was ridiculous, there was nothing wrong with him.

_You sure about that Sammy-boy. You seem a little cracked to me. What with being obsessed with demons and all._

“Shut up. That’s your fault, you prick.” Sam murmured to himself. He mentally kicked himself for even acknowledging the idiot. He hated him more than anything. Suddenly a knock pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Is it okay if I come in?” A voice asked. He looked over and found Anna standing in the doorway. Sam nodded and she walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. “I brought you something.” She said as she pulled a chocolate bar out of her pocket. She handed it to Sam and he took it from her.

He unwrapped it as she sat looking around the room. It was incredibly bare, but what did anyone expect? He had barely been there a day and he hadn’t brought anything with him. Not that they would have let him keep anything if he did bring something. They sat in silence as Sam ate the chocolate bar. Once he had finished he looked up at Anna.

“So… Um… How have you been? We haven’t talked in forever…” Sam said hesitantly. He wasn’t sure what was okay to ask or talk about and what wasn’t. It was like his whole world had been turned upside down and now he was lost and spiralling out of control.

“I’ve been alright I guess… I mean obviously I could be better cause I’m here but hey…” She trailed off.

“What happened? I mean after high school. I totally lost track of you.” Sam asked honestly.

“I was okay for a bit. I got a job and was holding that down well for a while but then things got bad for me and I had to move back home. So I was working on and off for a while. I ended up in here, got better, got out. I stopped taking my meds and eventually ended up back in here again.” She said, looking away from him.

“Wh- Do you mind telling me about it? I mean… why you’re here? We never talked about any of it before…” Sam stammered.

“Schizophrenia.” Anna said looking up at him. “I was convinced that I was an angel of the lord. I had fallen and become human, losing my grace. I thought I could hear the angels talking in heaven. I needed to find my grace so I could get back to heaven and help them. Something terrible was happening. It got so bad that I really couldn’t function anymore. The voices got louder and louder and I thought the angels were screaming for help and I couldn’t do anything.” She said. Sam stared at her. He never knew any of this.

“So…. Why are you still here then?”

“I’m not 100% better. I still have episodes and because I’ve had issues with my meds they aren’t going to let me go as easily as they have in the past.” She said. She looked at him seriously then. “Why are you here Sam? You always seemed like the picture of health and happiness.”

“I see things other people don’t see…” Sam said looking down at his hands. Anna nodded.

“You don’t have to tell me, but what do you see?” She asked.

“I… Lucifer… Demons…” He trailed off. Anna looked at him and nodded.

“Okay, that’s not too bad. At least you still know who you are.” She said with a sad smile. Sam just looked at her. She looked to the clock on the night table beside his bed and stood up. “I should get going. See you around.” She said, then headed to the door.

“Bye.” Sam said.

The next morning Sam was woken up by one of the nurses and sent to get breakfast in the cafeteria. Breakfast was uneventful and boring. He sat alone and stared down at the bland food, trying not to acknowledge Lucifer making comments about everyone around them.

After breakfast he found himself in the lounge again. He was starting to realize that there wasn’t much to do around the hospital. Most people spent half their time in the lounge or their room and the other half in group and individual therapy. Sam hadn't been told to join a group therapy yet so he had to spend his day wasting time. He sat there staring at the TV for an hour until he heard a familiar voice.

"Hey moose!" Sam turned and looked to see Gabriel at the ping pong table.

"Come on get up! We've got a rematch to get to!" He called. Sam stood and walked over to the table. He wondered how Gabriel could have so much energy in a place like this.

"So moose, what's your life like? You got family praying for you to get better? I bet you do. A nice mom and dad at home. Waiting for their baby boy to come back. Is that what it’s like Sam?" Gabriel asked focusing on the game.

"No. It’s just me and my brother. And Bobby. He basically raised us. My parents aren't alive anymore." Sam said. After a lifetime of teachers and friends parents asking him about his family it had gotten easy saying they were dead and gone. Gabriel looked up.

"Oh I'm sorry." He said just as Sam bounced the ball to him and it bounced off the table. Sam couldn’t help himself but laugh.  “Hey! That was intentional distraction!” Gabriel yelled with a smile. Just as they were about to begin a new game Sam heard his name being called.

“Sam, the doctor is ready for you.” Castiel said from the doorway. Sam looked at Castiel, then back at Gabriel. He shrugged at the shorter man.

“I guess we’ll have to continue this later.” He said as he walked towards Castiel.


	5. Too Much Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has an episode and someone he didn't expect comes to save him.

Sam sat down in the doctor’s office facing her desk. She smiled at him and pulled out her notepad and a pen. Sam looked around the room and clenched his jaw when he saw Lucifer standing in the corner of the room. He was looking at the books on the bookshelf in the office. Sam mentally groaned then looked back at the doctor.

“So Sam, how did you sleep last night?” She asked.

“Well… Not great I guess. I never really sleep great.” He said. She nodded.

“How has your day been going?” She asked.

“Alright I guess. Nothing news worthy.” He answered.

“How have you been spending your time?” She asked.

_Oh I like this one, Sammy-boy. So innocent yet so lonely. Tell her about how you sit alone and sulk. Tell her how you have the hots for the crazy Gabriel kid. Go on. She wants to hear it. She wants to hear about how you hate your brother for sending you here and how you want the Gabriel kid but you know he will die if you make a move. Tell her Sammy. Go on. She_ _’s waiting._

“Shut up.” Sam murmured under his breath.

“Is he here Sam?” Dr. Mills asked. Sam nodded but didn’t look at her.

“What is he saying Sam?” She asked.

Sam opened his mouth to tell her but just as he did voices began flooding his mind.  His vision began to blur as the voices grew louder. He could see Lucifer still standing in the corner laughing as Sam was lost in the flood of voices.

_See Sam, there_ _’s no escape! No one can help you!_

Sam grabbed his wrist with his right hand and pressed his nails into the flesh on the underside of his wrist. He could faintly hear the doctor calling to him. It sounded like she was far away. He felt like he was being swallowed whole. He felt like his lungs were collapsing. He pressed his nails deeper into his arm.

Sam focused in on the pain. He felt that sharp pain of his nails radiating up his arm and it began to calm his mind. He closed his eyes and focused solely on the pain. He pushed the voices out of his head as much as he could. After a minute or two he was able to open his eyes. He found the doctor kneeling in front of him with her hands on the arm rests of the chairs.

“What happened Sam?” She asked.

“There… There were too many voices… I… It was too much…” He whispered. She looked into his eyes then nodded.

“I think that’s enough for today.” She said. Sam nodded and headed out the room as quickly as he could without running.

Once he got down the hallway a bit he took a left so he was out of the sight of the office. He leaned against the wall panting and slid down it. He sat there on the floor and tears began to run down his cheeks. He had had panic attacks before, but they had never been like this. It felt like he was dying and being torn apart from the inside and suffocated all at once. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block everything away as tears continued to fall.

Suddenly Sam felt hands on him. He tried to push them away but they just held him closer. He tried to open his eyes but his vision was blurry. He couldn’t see and the voices were clouding his mind. After a while he heard a distinct voice coming through the din of noise.

“Sam. Sam, it’s okay. It’s Gabriel.” The voice said. “Look at me Sam.”

Sam opened his eyes and saw bright hazel eyes looking back at him. He focused on them and tried to take deep breaths. Soon his breathing had calmed down and the voices subsided. He could finally see all of Gabriel. The shorter man was on his knees, crouching in front of Sam. His hands were still on Sam’s arms. He stared at the man gasping.

“Sam, it’s okay. What happened?” Gabriel asked.

“I… There was too much…” Sam stuttered. Gabriel nodded. He took Sam’s hand and helped him up. Sam stared at him confused.

“Come. I’m going to give you something that always makes me feel better on a bad day.” Gabriel said with a small smile. Sam looked down at his hand, which Gabriel still held. He swallowed hard but didn’t say anything.

Gabriel led him down the hallway and then turned towards the cafeteria. He walked inside still holding Sam’s hand and walked up to the counter where an older looking man was standing. The man looked at Gabriel and rolled his eyes. It looked like the two had met in this same situation on more than one occasion. The man looked at Sam, then back at Gabriel.

“Gabriel you know the rules.” The man said in a British accent.

“But Balthazar, my buddy, my friend here desperately needs it!” Gabriel whined.

“You know I can’t.” He said.

“Please… I’m beggin you.” Gabriel said with a sad smile.

“No Gabriel. You know I’m not supposed to.” Balthazar said.

“Please, I would owe you one.” Gabriel said. Balthazar sighed and reached under the counter. He pulled something out and put it on the counter. Gabriel let go of Sam’s hand and clapped his hands before grabbing it and a spoon, then dragging Sam to the corner of the room to sit at a table.

Sam sat down across for Gabriel and looked at him. The shorter man slid the ‘surprise’ over to Sam. Sam looked down at it and almost laughed out loud.

“Pudding? Seriously?” Sam asked. Gabriel grinned.

“Yep! I find pudding always makes a bad situation better.” Gabriel said smiling. Sam shook his head but opened the pudding and began to eat it. Gabriel watched in silence for a little while. Sam looked up at him. He couldn’t help but give the hazel eyed man a small smile.

“See! It is making you feel better!” Gabriel beamed. Sam nodded, though he knew it wasn’t the pudding making him feel better.

_Oh Sam, I love how you get so happy about this. You know it_ _’s not real. I will just kill him. Then you will be back where you started._

When Sam had finished his pudding he and Gabriel made their way to the lounge and found themselves, once again, playing ping pong. Sam didn’t know what it was about this short hazel-eyed guy but he was intrigued. There was something about him that was interesting and that Sam wanted to explore further and get to know better. Though he was intrigued he was scared. Lucifer didn’t want this. Didn’t want Sam to be happy. If he was happy then he wouldn’t listen. After the two men had been playing for a while a nurse came into the room and called Gabriel out to see the doctor. Gabriel left, leaving Sam staring after him.


	6. The First Advance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean decides to make move.

Dean was sitting in his kitchen nursing a beer and eating a hamburger he had decided to make himself. He had had a busy day. Lots of people bringing I'm their shit cars to get fixed. There were moments when Dean wished he had picked up another profession but then he would finish a job and realize he couldn't do anything else.

While he was eating the phone began to ring. He cursed as he swallowed quickly and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He asked.

_"Is this Dean Winchester?" A familiar male voice asked._

"Yes it is." He answered.

_"It’s Castiel, from the hospital." The man said._

"Oh right. Hi."

_"The doctor wanted me to call to see if you were able to drop by tomorrow for a meeting about your brother’s treatment." Castiel said._

"Uh, yeah. Sure." Dean said. "What time?"

_"Is 4 o’clock convenient? I will still be here then so I can give you all the information you need to know." Castiel said._

"Yeah sure. That's fine." Dean replied.

The next day Dean went to work as usual but he let Benny close up. He drove over to the hospital and was standing in the waiting room when a familiar head of dark hair came around the corner. Dean shoved his hands in his pockets as the attractive male nurse walked over to him. There were so many fantasies that wanted to run through his head right now. So many kinky things you could do with a nurse. But he wasn’t here for that. He was here for Sammy.

“Dean, nice to see you again. Follow me please.” Castiel said.

 Dean followed him towards the elevator and they got in. The doors closed and they were shut out from the world. Dean looked over at Castiel and bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted so badly to reach over and grab his face and kiss the man’s lips. Castiel stared straight ahead. Dean cleared his throat and decided to try some small talk.

“So what’s it like working in a place like this?” Dean asked.

“You mean with mentally ill individuals? Interesting, I suppose. Many have very interesting theories and others are just beyond help.” Castiel said matter-of-factly.

“Well… Uh… It’s good that you enjoy what you do.” Dean said. He looked over at Castiel and couldn’t help but stare at the slight hint of a muscular build underneath the baggy scrubs.

“I find you attractive as well.” Castiel said suddenly just as the elevator doors opened.

Dean stammered and quickly trailed after the striking nurse. Castiel led him into a meeting room and held the door for him. Dean walked in and looked around. The room was pretty much empty except for a table with six chairs positioned around it. There were some pens and pads of paper on the table in the middle. Castiel stepped back from the door slightly.

“Wait here. I will tell Doctor Mills you are here.” He said as he turned and left the room. Dean stared after him for a minute.

When the doctor arrived she and Castiel sat across the table from Dean. She began to discuss what she had observed from Sam over the past two days. She discussed the therapy she would suggest for him. She discussed the medication she would like to start him on. She also discussed that she thought it would be best for him to stay on the inpatient program until further notice.

Dean was only half listening. He would nod and agree every so often, but he was trying his hardest not to stare at Castiel’s gorgeous form. He would look at Castiel, who also gave his input on what he had seen from Sam, then he would look away and down at his hands. He didn’t know what it was about Castiel, but there was something…

They spent about an hour discussing Sam and his treatment and what they hoped for his recovery. When the hour was over the three stood. Dean shook the doctors’ hand and then shook Castiel’s. As he walked past Castiel he saw the dark haired man look down at his hand confused. Dean smirked to himself and headed home.


	7. The Declaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its been three days and things may be going somewhere.

It had been three days since the panic attack incident and the pudding. Sam was supposed to start going to group therapy today and begin taking medication tonight. At the moment he was sitting in the lounge after breakfast watching _Coronation Street_ with some of the older patients. He wasn’t really paying a whole lot of attention but it was a better distraction than nothing.

_“So tell me Sam, have you been seeing him lately?_ _” The doctor asked._

_“Yes I have._ _” Sam replied._

_“Can I ask you something? You may not like it._ _” The doctor said. Sam shrugged._

_“What is the cause of this?_ _” She asked him looking hopeful._

_Sam knew what she wanted him to say. She had been waiting for it. They had been working towards it since he got here. She needed him to say the words. She needed him to understand._

_“I_ _…” Sam took a deep breath._ _“I have schizophrenia._ _” He said finally._

Sam knew when Gabriel entered the room. It was like he could feel the air shift as the shorter man entered the room. Sam didn’t move. It had become a game between them. See which one would give in first and get the attention of the other. It was stupid and childish but neither of them wanted it any different. They would focus on different things in the room until one of them couldn’t take it anymore and would give in. One of them would call to the other and they would end up playing ping pong.

Today Sam didn’t want to be the one to give in. He wanted Gabriel to want him. He wanted Gabriel to call out to him. It was ridiculous how Sam hoped for Gabriel to want to be near him and spend time with him. It was stupid. He knew it, Lucifer knew it, and he was pretty sure Gabriel knew it too.

“Your friend is here.” Agatha, one of the older women, said to Sam. The tall brunet could just picture the smirk on Gabriel’s face if he heard that.

“Is he? I didn’t notice.” Sam said to her. She looked at him and shook her head.

“You two are positively ridiculous. If I had a nice good looking man like you interested in me I wouldn’t let you have a minute to yourself.” She said. Sam blushed and looked down at his lap.

“Hey Moose!” Sam heard Gabriel call. He stood and walked over to the other man, still blushing.

He walked over to the ping pong table and they began to play their game. Sam still couldn’t understand why they had gotten into this routine but he wasn’t going to complain. He enjoyed it. He liked the casual air that they had and the energy that Gabriel gave off. They got into the rhythm of their game quickly.

They played round after round barely even saying anything to each other. Only the odd comment here and there. Gabriel would make comments about Sam’s height or his playing or some other kind of joke to try to distract him. Sam wold bounce comebacks back at him and laugh at his jokes and make jokes about Gabriel being so much shorter than him. They could have played for hours but that never happens. Meg came into the room and called Gabriel off to therapy. It was kind of funny because they didn’t call most people, only new people and those who forgot to go. Sam wondered why Gabriel never remembered to go, or maybe he just didn’t want to go.

After lunch had passed Sam was reminded that he was starting group therapy today. He was directed to a large room which had chairs positioned in a circle in the centre of the room. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He awkwardly stood to the side of the door as people walked by him. Eventually he sat on the emptier side of the circle and looked down at his hands in his lap. After about 5 minutes the seats were filled up and a man was standing in front of one of the chairs.

As the man standing up began to speak Sam noticed that Anna was in this group. She was sitting across from him looking up at the speaker. Sam decided that he should probably be paying attention to what the speaker was saying. He looked to the man standing in the circle. He had brown hair and scruff on his face. He was dressed very causally for a counselor.

“My name is Chuck, for those of you who don’t know. I know you may not think so just from looking at me but I have been where you are. I have suffered with depression and everything that comes along with it. Today I want to just discuss change. What is it? How does it make you feel? How do you handle it? What has been changing for you?” He said, looking around the circle. “Who would like to start?”

A man sitting near Sam raised his hand and introduced himself. He began to speak about things in his own life. Sam sat listening. He felt awkward but strangely intrigued by the lives of these strangers. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. He wanted to get to know them but he also wanted to hide away and ignore everyone and everything. He looked up to see Lucifer leaning against the wall across from him. He clenched his jaw and looked down again.

“My name is Anna.” A familiar voice said. Sam looked up to find Anna sitting across from him looking down at her hands as she spoke. “Recently I reconnected with an old friend. It was a chance meeting but somehow we got reunited.” She said.

“What happened when you two met again?” Chuck asked her.

“We talked. Caught up with each other. I’ve…” She looked up at Sam briefly. “He’s been going through a rough time lately. I’ve been trying to help him.”

“How is it to be helping someone? How is he taking it?” Chuck asked.

“It’s… different. We were really close a long time ago but didn’t stay in touch. He’s been having a rough time and I’m glad that we met again. He was a really good friend to me. He stayed with me when I was going through the worst of my condition, even if he didn’t know it then. I think he’s taking it well but it’s hard to know.” She said.

Sam looked up at her. He was mad. He didn’t really know why but this was making him angry. She didn’t have the right to tell people about him. She shouldn’t be talking about it. Let alone with him sitting in the room listening. It was like she was betraying him. She was giving up all his secrets.

_That_ _’s right Sammy-boy. She_ _’s going to be the one to rat you out._

“How do you feel when you help him?” Chuck asked her.

“I… I feel good. It’s like I’m not such a mess anymore. Like I’m actually worth something. He used to help me so often and now I can finally return the favour… or at least give him a hand.” She said quietly not looking at anyone.

Sam wanted to kick himself. It wasn’t all about him. She just genuinely liked being with him and being friends like they used to be. He should have known. She would never do anything to hurt him intentionally.

_Not too fast Sammy. She could turn any minute now._

Sam spent the rest of the meeting just sitting and listening to different people speak. He tried his best to ignore the snide remarks from Lucifer about each person there but it was hard ignoring someone who wouldn’t give up. When the meeting was done he felt exhausted. He went into his room and curled up on the bed, staring out the small window.


	8. Getting to Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone starts getting to know each other.

It had been three days and Dean still hadn’t heard anything from the hospital or Castiel. It was a Saturday and Dean had only woken up an hour ago, even though it was well after noon. He was sitting in his boxers in front of the TV with the news on. He had been out late last night. First he had stayed late at the shop finishing up a customer’s job. Then Benny had dragged him out to a bar and had made him promise to have at least 3 drinks, before he could leave. So, of course, Dean had more than three drinks. Benny had tried to hook him up with a girl or two but he wasn’t interested. He was far too worried about Sam to really think about sleeping with random women. Besides the fact that he was still waiting for a phone call from a certain sexy nurse.

As he sat and stared at the TV trying to figure out what to do with his day the phone rang. No one ever called him, other than Sam, Bobby, and Benny. Sam couldn’t, Benny wouldn’t, and Bobby shouldn’t. He didn’t know who would be calling him at this time of day, before he realized that it was well after lunch and most human beings had been up for hours by now. He leaned over and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” He asked in his gruff voice.                               

_“Dean? This is Castiel._ _” The voice on the other end said._

“Oh! Castiel. I was starting to think you had forgotten about me.” Dean said, meaning it in more way than one.

_“No. I did not. This week has been very busy. I meant to call. Your brother is doing well. He is to be starting group therapy today as well as his medication._ _” Castiel said._

“Oh. Okay. Thanks for the update. Is that all?” Dean asked.

_“No... No its not. I wanted to know if you wanted to go for a cup of coffee with me. There is a shop down the street from the hospital. I don_ _’t know if you know it. But I wanted to know if you wanted to come._ _” Castiel said quickly._

Dean inhaled sharply. He didn’t know what to say. This was what he had been waiting for but he didn’t know what to do now. He wanted to go out with this man but was it right? Should he be going out on a date with a hot nurse when his brother was locked up somewhere fighting with himself? Dean didn’t know if it was right but it felt right. He took a breath and dove in.

“Yeah sure. That sounds great. So I’ll see you in what an hour?” Dean said, before he changed his mind.

_“Yes an hour from now should suffice._ _” Castiel said._ _“I will see you then._ _”_

“Alright.” Dean said as Castiel hung up.

He was standing in front of the mirror in his room wearing dark blue jeans. He lifted up a blue plaid shirt and pulled it on. He was halfway through buttoning his shirt when he pulled it off and changed his mind. He grabbed a black t-shirt and pulled that on. Then he went over and pulled out a red button up and put that on top. He went back into the bathroom and ran his fingers through his hair, brushed his teeth, and put on the necklace Sam had given them when they were kids. As he headed out the door he grabbed his grey jacket and went out to his baby.

He pulled up to the small coffee shop in his impala and hopped out. He walked into the place and looked around. As he gazed around the room he saw a shock of black hair. His eyes followed down the body to a tan trench coat and dark blue trousers.

Sam was sitting in his room staring out the window when there was a knock at his door. He expected it to be Anna as she had started coming every night to talk with him. He turned and looked to the door to find a young looking Asian man staring down at his hands awkwardly. He sat up straight and looked at the younger man.

“Hello?” He asked hesitantly. The man looked up.

“Oh! Um… hi… I’m Kevin. Kevin Tran. I saw you in group. You’re new. I’ve seen you around. I uh… Just wanted to say hi.” He said ringing his hands together.

“Um… I’m Sam.” He answered. “You can come in if you want…” Kevin walked into the room and sat down on the chair across from the bed.

“I… I’m sorry if I’m being um… intrusive but you are the only person here who isn’t either old, a girl, or way to exciting for me to be friends with…” Kevin said.  Sam just stared at him.

“Um… okay…” Sam said. He wasn’t sure why this kid was in his room and what was happening.

“I have anxiety and had a mental breakdown so my parents sent me here.” Kevin said looking down again. “I don’t make friends that well anymore and all these people are…”

“Too crazy?” Sam asked. Kevin looked up and nodded.

“Well um… sorry to tell you… but I have schizophrenia…” Sam said looking away from the man. Kevin looked up.

“Really?” He asked. “I… I wouldn’t have known…” He answered.  


	9. First Dates and Awkward Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Castiel. Sam meets an unexpected visitor.

Dean sat down in front of the dark haired man. Castiel looked up at him and gave him a small, shocked, smile. Dean noticed how the man looked out of his scrubs. He was wearing a white button up shirt with a blue silk tie hanging loosely around his neck. He had a suit jacket on underneath his trench coat. Dean was shocked by how stunning the man was. Yes he had been stunning in scrubs but now Dean had the intense urge to lean over and tug on that tie, pulling those kissable lips to meet his.

“Hey there.” He said. Ignoring the urge in his head.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel answered.

“So, what’ll you have?” Dean asked.

“I was thinking about that as I waited. I think I would like a cappuccino.” Castiel said. Dean stood and sauntered over to the counter. He order himself a black coffee and a cappuccino. Then he headed back to the table and set Castiel’s cappuccino in front of him. He looked into those deep blue eyes and was lost for a moment.

“Thank you.” Castiel said as he took a sip.

Their date started out awkward. Neither of them knew what to say. They suffered through awkward small talk for what felt like ages to Dean. He didn’t know what to talk about other than Castiel’s job at the hospital. How he got into it, why he was doing it and so on. Soon Castiel turned the tables on Dean and he found himself going on and on about his shop.

“So you work for yourself?” Castiel asked.

“Yep. I am my own man. I opened my own shop a few years ago.” Dean said. He was proud of his shop. Proud that he had been able to find something he was good at that he could make a living out of.

“I have always loved working with my hands and cars have always been my point of interest. When I was a teenager I had to start working so I ended up working at Bobby’s salvage yard part time and at a shop in town for the other part.” Dean informed Castiel.

“Who’s Bobby?” He asked.

“Oh, right. He’s a family friend, though he basically raised Sammy and me. So he’s really more of a father figure to us.” Dean said taking a sip of his coffee.

“Oh? So what about your parents?” Castiel asked a little hesitantly.

“Yikes, jumping right in there aren’t we?”

“Is that a topic that should not be discussed?” Castiel asked tilting his head to the side in a frustratingly attractive manner.

“It’s just a topic. My mom died when I was little. My dad was a drunk and died in a car crash.” Dean said as he finished off his coffee.

“I am very sorry. That must have been terrible.” Castiel said as he took the last sips of his cappuccino.

They both looked at each other and their empty cups. Castiel bit his lip and looked up into Deans eyes. Dean wanted to grab him then and there and claim that precious mouth of his in a searing kiss. But he wouldn’t do that. Not here. Not on a first date. Though with anyone else there wouldn’t even be a first date, only a first fuck. Dean cleared his throat.

“Would you like another or would you like to take this elsewhere?” He asked. He didn’t know where the question had come from or where it would take him but it was too late to take it back now.

“I would not like another. So I believe my only other option is taking this somewhere else.” Castiel said matter-of-factly.

“I... Uh… No, it’s not your only other option. You can do anything-“

“I would like to take this somewhere else. Preferably my or your home.” Castiel cut in. Dean swallowed again and stood.

Castiel followed Dean out the shop. He walked towards his car and looked back at Castiel. Castiel stood beside Dean. He couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed the blue-eyed angels face between his hands and kissed him hard. Castiel gasped but reached out and grabbed Dean’s jacket. Dean pressed closer to the man and Castiel’s back hit the impala as Dean nipped at his lower lip.

Castiel opened his mouth and let Dean’s tongue explore the inside of his mouth. They stayed like that until neither of them could breathe anymore. Dean pulled away and stared into those incredible blue eyes. He stepped away and Castiel dropped his hands.

“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” Dean said. Before he knew what was happening soft lips were on his again. Castiel turned the tables and pushed him against the impala. When he pulled away Castiel looked at him.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since the day I met you.” Castiel said.

Sam had endured Kevin’s questions for about himself and his condition for about 20 minutes before he saw a redhead standing at the doorway. He sighed happily.

“Anna! How have you been?!” Sam said standing up. Kevin looked up and saw Anna. Sam could see he got incredibly nervous as she walked in and sat on the bed beside Sam. Kevin stood up awkwardly and looked around for a second.

“I’ll uh… see you later.” He said and left the room. Anna looked at him confused.

“He wouldn’t leave me alone. He thinks I’m the only person he can talk to in here.” Sam said.

“Oh… wow. Okay.” Anna said. She looked away suddenly. “So about today… in group…I uh… I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have talked about you…” She said.

“It’s okay. Really. I didn’t know what you were going to say… but it’s alright really. It’s not all about me” Sam said and then wrapped her in his arms for a hug he had desperately been needing.


	10. Hard Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets an unwelcome visitor... again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been gone for so so long but I'm back now!! Hopefully frequently!!
> 
> If you want to find me on tumblr I'm at imsensingatriptoikea.tumblr.com

Dean and Cas had become exclusive. Yes, it was Cas now. It had happened without Dean even realizing it. Cas had been over at his place, he had made dinner. They were sitting at the kitchen table eating.

_“You want a drink, Cas?_ _” Dean asked as he opened the fridge. He turned and looked at Castiel._

_“I- Sorry. It slipped._ _” Dean said._

_“It_ _’s okay. I like it._ _” Cas said with a smile._ _“Yes, I would like a drink._ _”_

And they went on like that. Cas would end up coming over to Dean’s place after his shifts. They would usually just watch TV and inevitably make out. Dean loved it. He learned a lot about Cas from these visits.

_He and Cas were sitting on the couch together. Some old movie was playing. Cas had gotten bored. He leaned over and began kissing along Dean_ _’s jaw. He pulled him into his lap, kissing him hard on the mouth. They kissed for a minute until Cas pulled away._

_“Dean_ _… I need to tell you something._ _” Cas gasped out. Dean nodded at him._ _“I_ _’m pansexual._ _”_

_“Okay._ _” Dean said and kissed him again. Cas pushed him away._

_“Dean. I_ _’m pan._ _” He said more desperately._

_“I heard you. And I_ _’m bi. Who cares? Cause I sure as hell don_ _’t._ _” Dean said and continued to kiss the smaller man._

Sam was sitting in the lounge watching TV again. He was waiting for Gabriel to come into the room and brighten his day. He sat there for a good hour before he caught a glimpse of Gabriel walking into the room. He didn’t look in Sam’s direction. He sat down in a chair across the room and picked up a piece of paper and a pen. Something looked different about him but Sam couldn’t figure out what it was. He didn’t look quite the same.

Sam sat watching TV for another hour before he decided to get up and see if Gabriel wanted to play. He walked over to where Gabriel was sitting and awkwardly stood beside the table. Gabriel looked up. His face looked sunken and sad. Darker than it normally did. Almost like he had lost all his energy and all his life. Sam was almost taken aback by the look on his face but he took a deep breath and powered through it.

“You wanna play?” He asked, motioning his thumb towards the ping pong table.

“No.” Gabriel said coldly.

“Oh… How come?” Sam asked.

“I’m not in the mood.” He said looking back down at whatever he was working on.

“Oh…” Sam said, he turned and walked away. He stopped when he was about to get to the couch. He considered going back over there and sitting with him but he decided against it and headed to his room.

He was sitting in his room staring at the wall. There was nothing he wanted to do, no one he wanted to see. He hated it here. He thought he would get used to it but he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. It was hell, well no it wasn’t not really, but it was terrible and it was his brothers fault. The reason he was here was because of his brother.

_That_ _’s right Sammy-boy. Big bro locked you up and threw away the key. He didn_ _’t want to deal with your crazy ass anymore._

Sam jumped at the voice. Once he had started taking his pills Lucifer had showed up less and less. So him being here now, well it startled Sam, and frightened him.

_Don_ _’t be scared Sammy, I_ _’ve always been here. You think you could get rid of me that easily?_

“Leave me alone.” Sam said through gritted teeth.

_No can do hombre. I own you remember? Of course you remember. You are mine._

“Shut up.”

_Ah ah ah. Dearest doc wouldn_ _’t like it if she found out you were talking to me would she? But you know this is all my doing. How do you know if this is real Sam? How do you know who_ _’s a good guy and who_ _’s a bad guy?_

“Stop it.” Sam said as he began to dig his nails into his arm.

_Tsk tsk tsk. You know you_ _’re not supposed to do that. I can_ _’t have damaged goods now can I?_

Sam dug his nails in deeper. Hissing at the pain. He closed his eyes and focused on that. The pain in his arm. The pain was supposed to make Lucifer go away. Or at least it had in the past. He desperately wanted Lucifer gone. As much as he hated this place he hated Lucifer more.

_Oh Sammy-boy, you always forget that I can hear everything you are thinking. I know you. Every inch of you. Every trick of the trade. They aren_ _’t going to work this time._

“No. Go away. You’re not real.” Sam said.

_Are you sure about that?_

“Go. Away.” Sam said sternly.

“Sam?” A voice called to him.  Sam turned and saw Anna standing at the door.

“Oh, hey.” He said as she walked in and sat down next to him.

“Are you okay?” She asked. He looked at her.

“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“Well… You’re never in here. I mean during the day. I normally see you in the lounge…” Anna said leaning against him.

“Yeah well… I didn’t feel like it today.” He answered. Anna looked up at him for a minute. He was avoiding her eyes. She took a deep breath.

“Are you sure it doesn’t have to do with Gabriel?” She asked. Sam jerked awkwardly and looked at her.

“I…Wha…It…” He stammered not knowing how to answer the question.

_Oh, she_ _’s good. Can_ _’t hide the truth from this one Sammy. Ah! This is the angel! That_ _’s right! She will know, of course she will know. She wants to stop you Sam. She_ _’s protecting the lord. You are committing sin._

Sam cleared his throat as he looked at her, trying to ignore Lucifer.

“How do you know about that?” He asked.

_She_ _’s been watching you Sammy-boy, makin_ _’ sure you can_ _’t fulfill your destiny._

“I’ve seen you Sam. Playing ping pong…” She said.

“Wha- No…” Sam stammered.

“Sam you know what he is right?” Anna asked him.

_Oh Sammy, she_ _’s going to break your heart. She_ _’s going to tell you that he_ _’s an angel and has been playing you all along. You know it_ _’s true Sam. You know I wouldn_ _’t lie to you._

“No… he’s nothing. He’s normal.” Sam was becoming increasingly agitated.

“No… Sam… He’s in here for a reason. Everyone is. You really don’t know?” She asked him. Sam shook his head. He was getting confused. What was real? What wasn’t? Why was _he_ here if the drugs were supposed to get rid of him?

_Oh Sam. Poor baby Sam. She_ _’s going to tell you that he_ _’s a demon. You_ _’re going to have to kill your man crush Sam._

“No. No. He’s not. He’s fine.” Sam said. His hands had begun to shake.

“No he’s not. He’s sick too. We all are.”

“No!” Sam yelled.

_Yes! Yes!! He is sick. Very very sick. He is possessed Sam. You_ _’ve been playing games with a demon this whole time._

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!” Sam yelled. He backed into the corner of the room and sunk to the floor.

_Yes Sam. He_ _’s a demon. And it_ _’s your job to kill him._

“No. No. No!” Sam yelled again. He gripped his arm hard, trying to will Lucifer away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> You can find me at www.flawedbydesign-andproud.tumblr.com
> 
> All comments and feedback would be immensely appreciated.
> 
> I would love to hear what you think of it.


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